Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
