i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
