At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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