I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
