Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
