Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
