It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
