Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
