he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
