can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
