dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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