Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
