I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's like heaven, but drunker
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
