You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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