i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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