What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
