He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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