I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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