giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
