Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
