Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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