I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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