I accidentally burped into my bong.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize