hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
