thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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