Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize