why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
