when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
