Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
