She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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