At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
