Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
