She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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