This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
