i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
