the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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