I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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