oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
