Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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