No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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