i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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