And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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