I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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