I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
