i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"