I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.