No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.