Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..