I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.