Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.