I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're too hungover to prance.