pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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