It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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