I cut my penus on the lid.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
