If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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