I wish life had little blips of pornography
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
