I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
