So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
