He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
