i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
