She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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