I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Still dying that you shit outside
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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