you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
