Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
