please come you make the beer taste better
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
