we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
