Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I could make wine with my vomit
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.