There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day