did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.