Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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