I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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