We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just pee around me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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