my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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