No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
