he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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